neighbors

I long for the day when I can have a real adult residence.  I'd love a cute house with a two-car garage, a yard, and a fence.  But alas, I am poor.  My net worth is in the negative.  I keep spending money I don't have to pay for things I don't really need.  I feel a little bit like Congress.

After living in my apartment for about a year and a half, I thought I'd finally gotten used to my surroundings.  Then I got a new neighbor.  I like to call this new neighbor Jimmy Buffett.

Jimmy Buffett likes to sit outside his apartment on top of an old igloo cooler.  It looks like this one, but red.

While sitting on said cooler, Jimmy Buffett likes to "play" an acoustic guitar.  I do not know much about guitars, but Ross informs me that the guitar he plays is a brand so crappy it's laughable.  The guitar looks something like this:

The following is a list of songs Jimmy Buffett likes to sing:

• Margaritaville
• The Joker (Some people call me the space cowboy, some people call me the gangsta of love...)
• Sitting on the Dock of the Bay
• Superman by Three Doors Down
• Outside by Staind

I'll stop there, because the list continues to get even lamer, if you can believe it.

Jimmy Buffett will apparently sit outside on his cooler and sing/play lame songs at any time of the day or night, but his most preferred time is Thursday evenings, which he refers to as "Thirsty Thursdays!"  On Thirsty Thursdays, it's not uncommon to see Jimmy Buffett putting on an uninvited acoustic show while drinking whiskey, beer, or a combination of both.

In short, I'm living next to the world's most annoying frat reject.  Oh, did I mention he's at least 26?  And still in college?  After dropping out to go be a white water rafting guide for several years?  After five long years in college trying to get that oh-so-impossible degree in communication, he just needed a break.  

I want a house!!