Monday, June 15, 2009

The Cake Dilemma

I think we’re firing our wedding cake lady. Let me explain from the beginning.

When I got engaged, I tried to do as much wedding planning as possible. I did this because I knew that when school started, life would be a whirlwind until the wedding. (Side note: I was right about that! I like to point out when I’m right -- just ask Ross, he knows.) 

Anyway, one of the things I did early on was meet with our cake lady. Keep in mind that we are getting married in Mountain Home, Arkansas, which is not exactly the cultural center of the United States. To my knowledge, Mountain Home doesn’t even have a legit bakery. (I define “legit bakery” as a bakery existing outside of a grocery store.) So, we chose a lady who was recommended to us by a few friends. When Mom and I met with her, I had a pretty bad feeling. She was wearing a wind suit. The majority of the cakes in her album appeared to have been made sometime in the 1980s. Several cakes had a fountain feature. Curiously, some were leaning. 

I tried to hide my apprehension. I told myself that the leaning cakes must be some kind of optical illusion, or perhaps the photographer was doing a neat lens trick of sorts. I was so in denial that I told myself this no fewer than 8 times -- once for each leaning cake. You have to be in denial when you have no other options.

But they were just looks, after all. I can deal with a cake whose looks are a little on the disappointing side as long as it tastes incredible. This lady has built her business on buttercream, she said, and I love buttercream. Fondant cakes look pretty, but it tastes like old gum. Buttercream, though...oh, yum. So I decided I could deal, because I’m sure the cake would taste great. Right?  

WRONG! My father recently had occasion to sample one of this lady’s wedding cakes. Keep in mind that my father, who has a mouth full of sweet teeth and generally enjoys desserts of any kind, is a wedding cake connoisseur. He loves wedding cake. And even if it’s only so-so, he’ll probably finish any cake you put in front of him. Then he’ll ask if you’re going to finish yours.

He took one bite of this cake and refused to eat the rest.

So, there’s the story. We’re firing the cake lady because she can’t make an edible cake. Or maybe we’re firing her because she made one bad cake. Either way, she’s getting the axe. (Or is it ax?)

At the very least, we’re only going to have her make a tiny cake, just for looks. We still have to serve cake, though. The solution? We’re going to make the rest ourselves. Are we crazy? YES. But we are foodies. Taste is important. And when all you’re losing is the Leaning Wedding Cake of Pisa, you’re not really losing that much.

Sympathies are appreciated, as are loaner cake pans!

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

the many negative effects of fast food

Besides making us extremely fat, I am convinced that the convenience of fast food has made us all terribly inept in the kitchen.  

I had a roommate once who caught the stove on fire making Tuna Helper. For one thing, Tuna Helper is disgusting. I think I'd rather eat ham. And if you know me at all, you know how much I loathe all things pork (except bacon, of course). But come do you set the stove on fire making something that comes out of a box?

Oh, that's right. You forget to take it out of the box.

This must have happened to someone who bought a pizza from the Wal-Mart deli, like I did a few nights ago.  

You know, these ones:

As one is supposed to do, I, of course, read the instructions before throwing it in the oven willy-nilly. I expected to see something like "bake at 375 degrees for 15 minutes."  

But I forgot about the fast food and the whole inept-in-the-kitchen thing. So instead, the directions read:

Notice #2:  Remove plastic and cardboard from pizza.  


Sunday, June 7, 2009

wedding things

I found some stuff at Target today!

I thought these would be good to contain whatever we decide to let people throw at us.  (By the way, suggestions -- both serious and funny -- are welcome!)  I bought four:

And then I bought four of each of these cute little reusable bags for who knows what.  I'm sure they'll come in handy.  And, these were in the $1 bin!  I love bargains.

That's it for now!